is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I touched a dick in church today
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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