I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
