So drunk, too bad you don't want this
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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