Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
