Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
