I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
