she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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