You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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