I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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