Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
