I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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