what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize