I bet he comes in French.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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