if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
