you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
