God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I bet he comes in French.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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