You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
