just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Randomize
