I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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