I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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