how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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