70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize