I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
