pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
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