Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
