I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
