That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
