What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You need a sexual gate keeper
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
