She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
