someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
