K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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