He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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