Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
