So drunk its hurt
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
