you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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