Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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