After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
