but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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