you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Houston, we have a blender
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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