Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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