the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
