you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
