apparently the secret to your success is patron
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
