It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my being single is dangerous.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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