what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
