as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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