i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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