you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
