tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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