remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
