Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
