I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
