I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
