We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
