i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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