I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
