That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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