so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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