nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
