Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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