Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
