What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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