is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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