You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
