Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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