I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
did you just send me my own nude
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We need to get me chipped asap
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
