chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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