I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
