I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I showed him my bush... on skype.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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