ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
