i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Randomize
