I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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