My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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