what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
