I'm jealous of your bromance
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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