He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
