I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
