You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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