I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
