i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
