You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize