I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
