Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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