you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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