Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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