In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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