Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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