I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
