did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
