Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Can you bring me the toilet please
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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