it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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