When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My cat gives me a boner
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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