he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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