So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
