It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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