i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
