I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
