Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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