too bad you live with your parents still
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
