I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
