Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
