im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
