I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
