Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
