We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The adults are the big ones right?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
