i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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